0

Cheetahs Amigas – If Destiny’s Child Had Its Own Films

(Original posted on Snark Phoenix)

Let’s take a trip back to the mid-2000s to a time where Disney Channel produced quality films and music. The Cheetah Girls were fierce and cheetah-licious. The best of friends and talented to boot. They were a part of many people’s childhood. They were a diverse group of girls who answered to no man, although they could pull any man they wanted. They were the film version of Destiny’s Child. It’s remarkable how similar they are. Each Cheetah Girl has a Destiny’s Child counterpart.

I think it’s only appropriate to start with Galleria. She was obviously the Beyonce of the Cheetah Girls. She made the Cheetah Girls what it was. She had the strongest vocals. She didn’t need the Cheetah Girls. The Cheetah Girls needed her, evidenced by all the times she wasn’t with them. We all saw and heard what the Cheetah Girls were like without her. It just wasn’t the same. Plus, Raven did have the most successful solo career.

Chanel was Kelly Rowland, AKA the second lead vocalist. Don’t let Galleria hear you say that, though. She was in charge when Galleria couldn’t be bothered, but not to much success. Her leadership was filled with misinformation and being at the mercy of men, which was not what the Cheetah Girls was about.

Aqua was the Michelle of the group. She was good for a bridge. She was mostly there to bring the hot sauce and design the costumes, which were hit and miss. Her talents were only suitable for a group setting, lest we forget “Spectacular.” Maybe she should release a gospel album. That could be her calling.

Dorinda was the Latavia of the group. She was just there with her nonsinging self. Dorinda was the type of person to come up with an excuse when asked to do karaoke. She was an example of cross-racial adoption gone wrong. Her identity crisis led her to dance lessons. She was supposed to be the professional dancer of the group, but she seemed to be the only one to need lessons to learn the dance moves. We could all guess why, but let’s not play that game.

It would be nice for the Cheetah Girls to reunite one last time, but what would be the point without Raven? Unless she gives them her blessing, the Cheetah Girls won’t prosper, as history has already taught us. I guess we’ll have to settle for the first two movies, and if you’re a die-hard fan, the third movie and albums.

Honorable mention goes to Galleria’s mom, who was the Tina Knowles of the group.

James

Film and TV nerd. Sci-fi lover. Writer.